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Weirding people out since 2006.

Monday, June 12, 2006

When I Take Over the World, Pt Two: Who Lives

1) Strategically placed puppets/trustworthy allies in governments throughout the world. This assures both a diversity in government, and ultimate subservience to my ideals. Does it get any better than that?

2)ISP's (except AOL). Internet service both simultaneously assuages the masses and makes me happy. That being said, inept technical support personnel will be shot on sight. Oh yeah, and if I'm put on hold for longer than say, five minutes, and the music sucks? That ISP will be eliminated. Muzak is painful and anyone who thinks it's a good idea to use it (for whatever reason) will be tortured...at least until someone can get back to them.

3)Chefs. What can I say? I like to eat. However, arrogant waiters/waitresses (and this includes airline attendants who are really nothing more than waitstaff at 30,000 feet) will be forced to work the counter at a fast food place for all eternity (don't worry teens--the usual staff of the environs, I've got jobs lined up for you, and they pay better too).

3A)Dessert Chefs, especially Chocolatiers. These folks will have a special place once I take over. I'll even tolerate a bit of arrogance on their part, after years of suffering through stupid fad diets, they deserve special privelages that are denied to others.

4)My ever evolving Army of angsty, hormone driven teenagers. The more zits and the less social skills they have, the better. Outcasts and former fast food workers will be at the top ranks of this Army. Better still if they've been abused in any way by parentals. I'll be their only mentor, a substitute mother figure if you will. And if there's anyone folks will kill for it's Mom.

Note: No, they won't have weapons. They won't need them since they will defend me to the death with their bare hands. Truly, I don't want a Columbine in my compound (not that I'll have a specific "compound" per say, that's too risky (I'll discuss more of this later), but I sure don't want the kids shooting at each other).

Anyone who is not on this list, defend your reasons as to why you should survive once I take over the world...and I'll think about it.

2 comments:

Casie S. said...

I think that animals and children should most definately live, however parents who suck at parenting should punished severely.

Brigitta M. said...

Animals survive, period. Well, unless I want one for supper. tee hee. (I'll cover more on this topic later). Children, well, yeah, but bullies, et. al. will go through a series of intensive reprogramming sessions (I'll cover this more later as well).

Parents who suck at parenting? It depends on the degree of suckiness. That being said, the entire concept of parenting will be turned upside-down and inside-out compared to how it is now. In fact, I think I'll blog on this specific idea now. :)