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Weirding people out since 2006.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

When I Take Over the World, Pt Three: Childcare

As soon as possible, preferably in the planning stages, but as shortly after conception as is reasonable, and certainly not later than the birth of the child, a Parental Helper will be assigned for each adult (one for Dad, one for Mom, and if Grandma is in the house, she'll get one too) that will be living in the household (household accomodations will be discussed later) with the child. This Parental Helper is there to assure that the home environment is not only safe and clean, but that all of the child's needs are met as well (from the basics such as food, clothing and shelter to the less obvious, but no less necessary, cuddles and kisses).

This Parental Helper will be trained in a wide variety of areas such as: housekeeping and organization, basic knowledge of psychiatric illnesses and their treatments (she or he will not be responsible for diagnosis, but will be aware of potential warning signs), and a variety of alternative parenting techniques.

The Parental Helper is just that. She or he is not there to pass judgement on the skill or lack therein of a parent or other responsible adult, but too assure that the child is cared for and the household will run smoothly after he or she leaves.

That being said, the Parental Helper's responsibility is first and foremost with the child. If alcohol or drugs are starting to become a problem, the Parental Helper would be well within her rights to dispose of the problem substances in any way he or she deems fit (within the realms of reason of course, Parental Helpers aren't going to set the house on fire just to dispose of a bottle of booze). He or she may also demand an on-the-spot drug or alcohol test if he or she deems it necessary.

Non-compliance to the on-the-spot drug or alcohol test is considered failing the test. Failure will mean that the person who did not pass the test will be required to leave the home until an acceptable measure of sobriety is reached. Repeated and chronic failures fall under the category of "druggies and alcoholics", ergo, they will be killed. Yes, it sucks, but running the world does have its parts that won't be easy.

Refusing to leave the home when requested to by the Parental Helper will be considered a request to no longer live in a home where a child is present. In other words, if you're drunk or stoned, you have have the choice to leave the home either temporarily or permanently.

Note: temporarily leaving the home is equivelant to a 3 block radius from wherever the child may be at during the specific moment. This is assuming the irresponsible adult and the child can not see one another. Out in the country, the radius may be wider.

There's more to this topic, but I'm interested in hearing what other folks think about "Parental Helpers" as a concept.


Casie S. said...

The libral and child part of me says this sucks, it's an invasion of privacy. The open-minded logical part says it's a good idea because there are some fed up people, but there has got to be a little bit of slack on the kid. They can't be there every second or else the child may go crazy.

Brigitta M. said...

The actual ideal situation for the new parent is when ever-lovin', ever-experienced Grandma (usually the Mom's Mom, but occasionally it's the Dad's Mom) comes in and assists the new Mom & Dad with taking care of the kid, passing on wisdom, etc. However, the world has changed, families no longer live in the same neighborhoods but across states and countries making this no longer a realistic option. Worse, is when Grandma comes in to help, and she's psychotic.

For a family that functions just fine on its own, the Parental Helper wouldn't even be noticed. They would be trained to be invisible as needed, a ninja with a burp cloth if you will.

Nor would the Parental Helper be a permanent part of the family, unless it was proven that they truly and deeply needed him or her for an extended period.

As far as the kid is concerned, the Parental Helper is not there to "watch the kid like a hawk" into his or her teen years and beyond. The PH would stay in the background until which point it's obvious he or she is needed.

Chances are, for most families (especially once the system has been passed down through generations and folks have known from birth what good parenting is all about) she won't be there for longer than 6 months.

Except for the quarterly inspection periods to assure everything is still running smoothly.

That being said, intensive psychological testing on all members of the family and the PH would help assure that the PH is compatible with the family in question.

As a further note, this system would replace the current hit or miss Social Services program that is currently in place. Since it would be a worldwide program (as opposed to one that varies from state to state, or even county to county depending on resources) with a variety of PH's being able to be picked up from anywhere, cultural issues and differences would no longer be a problem (note: the PH must be willing to travel at a moment's notice).

Handpicked and elite, while originally it may seem an invasion of privacy, the ultimate goal is to assure that the children are taken care of and recognized for the unique individuals they are. Therefore assuring (no, not guaranteeing) a better world in the end.

Finally, when it comes right down to it, no child needs to feel afraid because they know for every adult in the household there is someone to talk to about that adult on a regular basis. If nothing else, the PH is only a phone call (or e-mail) away. A voice of reason in a time of misunderstandings, a shoulder to cry on during difficulties, and a safe haven in the event of a crisis.