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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Parenting Advice for the Serial Killer

Being a parent is tough enough, but doubling as a serial killer makes this quite a bit more than a full time job, so I'd like to offer some tips for those who handle this challenging double-duty.

  • Lock your torture devices in a safe place: This is to assure little fingers don't get sticky stuff all over your favorite tools. There's nothing more embarrassing than pulling out your bonesaw, only to have it covered in peanut butter.
  • Let your children join in the fun: There's nothing children enjoy more than to watch what their parents do for a living (or a killing as the case may be).
  • Let the younger ones play as well: While you may not be ready to let your toddler handle the scalpel, they'll enjoy learning how to duct tape your latest prey's mouth and even hand you your gloves.
  • Stalking can make for fun family outings: Don't forget to bring along snacks and games to keep the children occupied at key moments.
  • Dirty diapers can NOT double as chloroform in a pinch: Although it may have made you woozy, it simply doesn't substitute for the speed and efficiency that is chloroform.
  • Keep your "pick up the target" supplies away from the diaper bag: Vics just don't feel threatened when you pull out a bottle of formula as opposed to a knife or a gun.

Later, I'll put out a list of supplies that every parent/serial killer needs (as well as tips on how to keep both organized!)

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