Fashion Tips

Well, well, I do feel absolutely inspired darlings, especially after taking a look at: Fashion for the Evil Doer. Problem is, even the site needs a makeover. Good idea honey, but that is sooooooo 80s, get with the times dear, evil is much more subtle than that and clothing isn't everything that makes for style that truly knocks 'em dead. Here's my tips and upgrades:

• Classic Black: Sure it's slimming, but the norms/good guys have taken over this color. I mean really...do you want your fashion sense to say "Keanu Reeves poser"? I don't think so. Besides, now it's all matchy-matchy...and what fun is that? I'd suggest some surgical scrub green, it's still classic, but that color is designed especially so the bloodstains don't stand out as much. Hard to find anything, but well, scrubs in this color, but add a stylish barbed-wire belt and it will show off those chainsaw lifting abs in no time.
• Corporate Suit: Only if you want a day job, and what's the point of being evil if you have to have one of those? Ugh...pass thanks.
• Supervillain Costume with Gimmicks: If you're spending all your time making pumpkin bombs than maybe, just maybe you need to peruse alternative forms of evil. May I suggest telemarketing or karaoke?
• Robotic Exoskeleton: Green Lantern's weakness was the color yellow. Yours is water. Do you see the problem here?
• Dark Gunslinger: Again, we're talking classic black here, but at least you get to wear a cool hat. Unfortunately, the only folks that look really good in this type of hat are Antonio Banderas...and um, he's one of the good guys. Proceed with caution.
• Brain in a Jar: Do you really want to spend the rest of your existence next to the mayonnaise and pickles? I don't think so.
• Intelligence Transferred into a Computer: Anything with an "off" button should not be considered an alternative lifestyle. 'Nuff said.
• Evil Twin/Clone: This is fashion? Sounds more like a hobby. NEXT!
• Wearing the Skin of Another Human: Alright, but if you're gonna do this one, you better be able to wear the classics well. Strut your stuff...or rather...their stuff!
• Never Revealing Your Face: Makes it really really really really hard for you to boss your minions around at the key moments:

You: KILL HIM!

Minion: Uh, who are you?

You: YOUR boss you nincompoop/idiot/random curse word combo.

Minion: And how am I supposed to know that?